Full moon or new moon?

Now that I'm on maternity leave, settled into my new home town, and have 25 pounds of baby weight attached to my belly, I am pretty much playing the waiting game. About 5 weeks til D-day, mom and sister are "certain" she come late, at the new moon on July 11th. However, I am manifesting an early delivery around the full moon on June 26th. It's also going to be a quick and easy delivery, right..?

Nesting mode is in full effect. All I can seem to think about is preparation for the baby. I have countless lists, including but not limited to: things to do (in general), things to do today, groceries, things to buy, people/places to call, birth plan notes, labor bag, baby names, life goals, sect, ect. I'm also painting furniture, and trying to plan a way to sterilize the whole house, car, and pets. Any suggestions, or is that too OCD?

"IT'S A BOY!"...no it's not.

Anyone who has had a child knows what I'm talking about when I say that you suddenly have an instant connection with people. When people who would have normally just ignored you for the most part, see that you are expecting and start asking really personal questions, and telling you in detail about their wives labors. And trust me I am not exaggerating.

For example, tonight at work the owner of the hotel aka Vancouver's Donald Trump, and his side-kick realtor came in for dinner, as they do quite often. However, tonight the realtor approaches me on her way out to the washroom to find out when I was leaving for maternity leave, and to wish me the best with the baby. She even reached out to hold my hand and and really have a heart to heart. Now, this woman has walked right past me a hundred times, barely muttering a full sentance for the past 2 years, and suddenly she is over the moon concerned about my well being?! It was very awkward. I mean, it comes from a great place, but sometimes it's too much. Like the strangers on the street exclaiming 'IT'S A BOY!', or trying to paw your belly. You would never walk up to someone randomly and and put your hand on their shoulder let alone their stomach. So, if you are that guy, stop it.

Don't get me wrong, I am definitely not afraid of the physical affection or interest in the baby. Quite the opposite actually. I mean, I am half Italian, we are a very touchy feely bunch, and I am an open book. In fact, I love it when friends or family rub my belly, and ask questions. I think it's great. But if you are that girl in the locker room that barely knows my name, please don't stall me on my way out the door to ask a million and one super personal questions about my situation. Have some common sense. Am I asking you about your home life, how sex is with your husband, if you have any ailments to talk about, or pointing out how your body is changing? Wow, your hair is sure getting grey. How is the husband? Maybe if you put out more often your stress level would go down. That would help with the greying as well as the extra weight your packing on...

Cycles of the past

Once upon a time there was a little girl who grew up with an abusive father. Luckily she was separated from him most of her life, but he still managed to cause irreparable mental and emotional damage. That little girl turned into a young woman, who continued to have an off and on dysfunctional relationship with the man she calls dad. Now a woman, and having a child of her own, she tries to make the best decisions possible for the future of this little girl. A little girl who will also one day wonder why her daddy doesn't love her. It breaks my heart that she may feel the same sadness in her heart where a fathers love should be.

It seems my gut, my heart and my head are conflicted. Are we all destined to repeat the same cycles of the past, regardless of how hard we try not to?

Episiotomy what?!

A friend and I spent the day in Langley visiting an old girlfriend from high school and her new baby. She and her husband were just in town for the Olympics, he's an RCMP in Alberta. On our commute back downtown, after gabbing all day, I found myself expressing some sorrow for her circumstances. Although she has a great husband and an amazing little boy, while her husband is busy working 14 hour days, she is basically on her own with the baby. It must be very difficult for her at times.

That's when I truly realized how lucky I am. I may not have a husband to support me, but I have a mother, sister, niece, grandmother, cousin, aunts, and many friends, who are supporting me in ways I could never ask. My mom is giving the baby and I her house to live in, and her car to drive! My sister picked up and moved to Powell River, because that's where the baby and I will be and she wanted to be close to us.

It's interesting that I am the single mother, yet am the one with many bodies to lean on.

I don't know what I would do without my army of women. Especially, when it comes to babies. I believe that 1 experienced woman is the equivalent to a dozen silly men. Even the section I just read in my pregnancy and childbirth book was about the importance of having a woman in the birthing room with you. "Research shows that if a woman has another woman with her during labor and birth she has less need for pain relieving drugs, and her labor is shorter. There are fewer operative deliveries and episiotomies. Babies are in better condition at birth and, and mothers are much more likely to look back on the birth as a positive experience."

Cinnamon buns and booties

The day I found out, I ended up at the grocery store. My maternal instinct kicked in instantly, and since I had no food at home, I went grocery shopping. I was still in shock from the news, shopping around the store in a daze. By the time I had finished and got through the check out I realized I had bought waaay more than I could carry, doh. Luckily, my awesomest neighbor and good friend was home, so he ran over to help me, shaking his head asking what I was thinking.

Right away I started cooking at home again, researching and buying healthy food, taking prenatal vitamins, quit drinking, smoking, and letting myself sleep 10 hours a day. It's crazy how easy it was too. To be healthy for the sake of a life inside of me, but never doing it for myself. It just goes to show you how much it's all psychological.

Now I find myself with the urge to learn how to bake and knit. I want my baby to have handmade booties, and come home from school with fresh baked cinnamon buns on the counter. I want to become someone that she will be proud of, and lead by example. I am yearning to get back to my roots, surround myself with family, rediscover my spirituality, enjoy the outdoors, and exude positive energy. All the things I hope one day she will encompass.

BabyDaddy aka fertilizer

Ok fiiine, I will talk about the baby-daddy. Well he's pretty much just your average dude. We met last summer, while he was in town for a few months visiting friends and figuring out his next business venture. We had a lot of fun together, and ended up casually dating for 2 or 3 months. Since either of us were in the place for a relationship, and knowing that he would soon be leaving the country, we were both very much on the same page.

He ended up leaving for China in early November. 4 days later I found out I was knocked-up.

Initially the shock was pretty intense, especially considering we were both religious condom users. I'm thinking it was possible breakage, possible drunken irresponsibility, or immaculate conception. I'm going with immaculate conception. And only partly because Madonna's Immaculate Collection is my favorite album of all time.

What now? Well, in short, he wants nothing to do with me, or the baby. And I am thrilled to have her all to myself. Becoming a single mother will take a lot of sacrifices and hard work, but I have tons of support from my family and good friends. She was meant to be ours and is already loved tremendous amounts.

Girls rule and boys drool!

So, why am I writing a blog, you ask? Clearly I'm not a professional writer, nor do I aspire to be. Mostly, it's because I like talking about myself. Doesn't everyone..? But, also because I have found people to be very interested in my story. You would be surprised how many people will approach you and start conversation, because they can see you have a bun in the oven. I answer the same questions constantly. When is the baby due? Is it your first? Do you know if it's a boy or a girl? Do you have a name picked out? Oh and my favorite, are you excited? Come on...of course I'm excited! I have an effing baby coming. It's not like I'm making a sandwich. Although, sometimes that can be exciting, I do make a mean sandwich. It's when they find out that I'm A.) not married and B.) don't even have a boyfriend, whoah that's when the real intrigue begins.

Another reason I'd like to put my story out there, is because I feel that there are a lot more women out there in a similar position to me. Either became a single mother, or would consider becoming one by choice. In my experience, most women going on 30 or 40 are still waiting for prince charming to sweep us off our feet, marry us and tell us he wants to start a family right away. Well you know what? I'm not waiting for a man to tell me it's ok for me to be a mother. And I'm sure as hell not going to settle in a less than perfect relationship, just to have children. I would much rather raise a baby in a happy single home, than an unhappy married home.

More and more women are taking their future families into their own hands. Even though this isn't the way I planned it, I couldn't be happier.

Girls rule and boys drool!
Burn the bra!
Ect.,ect.